Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
