your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
