Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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