man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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