We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
