girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
