What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
