I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
