so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
