i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
