Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
