Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
