I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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