So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
