Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
