I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
