I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
P.S. I can't hear my feet
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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