I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
