Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
