we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
