Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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