i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You pole danced in your parka.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
