My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
