If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
