Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
