So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
