Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
