he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
