Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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