Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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