Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
