Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm at about main and main street
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
