i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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