so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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