carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
