Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
