At least make sure they are 18
Why
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
