So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
