Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
