Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
