My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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