I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
