I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
