she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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