dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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