I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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