Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
