I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
