You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
thus making me awesome and them whores
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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