You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
