puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is Oprah even human
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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