My room smells like vodka and shame
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
