Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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