I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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